When your child knows how to process their emotions, they can better learn and grow from life’s challenges. In fact, emotions give them invaluable insight and lessons. Plus, resilience.

So how can they ride the wave of emotion and come to a peaceful resolution without crashing? Check out my process below.

A Five Step Process for Regulating Emotions

First, let your child experience their feelings in your caring presence. That includes sadness and anger. Yes, it’s hard to watch them cry, but tears are an important emotional release. (Tears actually help relieve stress!)

Next, as the emotion starts to subside, you can help your child self-regulate with some square breathing.  Or, perhaps they need intense exercise to get a really strong emotion out.  They can also shift their energy by splashing water on their face or chewing peppermint gum. Here’s a list with 30 more ways to shift their energy.

When they are calm enough, help them identify their emotion(s). Here’s an “emotion wheel” to help.

Now, here’s the real magic – start to figure out what lesson or information that emotion, that big reaction, has to teach them. For instance, jealousy is a big neon arrow pointing us toward what we want. Anger lets us know when something is wrong. Ask your child, “If _____ (the emotion) had something important to say, what would it tell me?” 

If you can, come up with a plan together based on what you learn. (Ask questions so your child can suggest solutions.) Maybe they simply need a nap or a snack. Or, they might need a tutor to help with math. There could be an issue with an important friendship. I know you will figure it out! If the pain of the emotion feels unbearable and/or does not subside, consider seeking the help of a therapist.

Finally, here’s a great article that walks you through an example of what healthy parent-child co-regulation interaction could look like.  It touches on acknowledging big feelings, offering connection, and letting go of perfection.

Good luck!