Parents should help their teens — but not in the way you might think.

As an Educational Therapist, I often find middle and high school students’ parents asking:

• How much should we help our teen?
• When is the right time to step back?
• How much should parents step back?

Together, we discuss time management and executive functioning skills. A common thread in these conversations is the push-pull between teens’ quest for independence and parents’ fears. 

The Tension Between Teens and Parents

Students are usually begging their parents to let them have more responsibilities. On the other hand, parents worry that if they loosen the reins too much, that freedom will backfire. Many hours are spent discussing who should pack lunches and backpacks. Or whether forgotten items should be raced back to school by the frantic parent. Another favorite topic of discussion in my office is whether parents should wake up their children or if the adolescent should begin relying on an alarm clock. 

The Healthy “Letting Go”

While there are definitely exceptions to every rule, generally, as students hit middle and high school age, parents should take a few steps back. It is time to let their budding teen or young adult begin to fend for themselves.  

After all, the middle and high school years are the only time your child will have to make mistakes, while still in your care.  It’s the only time they have when they can still count on you to soothe their pain after a misstep or mistake. Once they enter college and/or the working world, your influence begins to diminish. 

So, yes, parents should help their teens. And they should help them become independent. 

Another Resource

If you’d like more information on this topic or to read about how another parent handles these situations with her children, click on this link to read Amy Carney’s article, Quit Doing These 8 Things for Your Teen This Year if You Want to Raise an Adult.

There’s been a great deal of challenging weather around the country this winter. I feel lucky and grateful to live in Southern California, where we are blessed with lovely weather year round.  I’ve been consciously sending warming energy and thoughts from the West coast to the East coast. Hopefully nationwide, we will soon see signs of spring everywhere.

In addition to enjoying our warm weather, I’ve been in the process of doing some research on the latest developments in learning disabilities. If you’d like more information on the International Dyslexia Association (IDA), please be sure to click on the link within the article, or click here.  This association is an excellent resource for cutting-edge information.

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I’ve always been an educator and a performer. As far back as I can remember, I found myself in the role of teacher or actor (and sometimes both!). Four years older than my younger brother, Tom, I was often entrusted with his care.  Dancing since the age of three, around the age of twelve, I began teaching dance at Diana School of Dance on 59th Street, on the Southwest side of Chicago.  I even had the pleasure and honor of teaching my mother a tap class or two. And if memory serves me right, we performed on stage together.  From there, my family proceeded (as a unit) to community theatre.

My parents produced and my brother and I performed.  It was a blast.  

I still have many friends from that time in my life.  From there, I went on to Goodman and studied there for a year as part of their teen program.  I also performed in many high school shows.

After graduating high school, I floundered a bit.  What would I be when I grew up?  How would I make a living?  I tried nursing and accounting, among other things, but none of them seemed to fit. So I got married.  Seems like a logical choice, yes?  We moved to Northern California and I continued acting.  My husband – at the time – and I even started a theatre company together.  Even more important, I went back to school.  I attended Santa Rosa Junior College and finished my general education requirements. Now I really had to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up! (more…)