Parents should help their teens — but not in the way you might think.

As an Educational Therapist, I often find middle and high school students parents asking:

• How much we help our teen?
• When is the right time to step back?
• And, how much should parents step back?

We discuss time management and executive functioning skills. And the push-pull between teens’ quest for independence and parents’ fears. 

The Tension Between Teens and Parents

Students are usually begging for their parents to let them have more responsibilities. On the other hand, parents worry that if they loosen the reins too much, all hell will break loose.  Many hours are spent discussing who should pack lunches and backpacks. Or whether forgotten items should be raced back to school by the frantic parent. Another favorite topic of discussion in my office is whether parents should wake up their children or if the adolescent should begin relying on an alarm clock. 

The Healthy “Letting Go”

While there are definitely exceptions to every rule, generally, as students hit middle and high school age, it is time for parents to take a few steps back.  It is time to let their budding teen or young adult fend for themselves.  

After all, the middle and high school years are the only time your child will have to make mistakes, while still in your care.  The only time they have when they can still count on you to soothe their pain after a misstep or mistake.  Once they enter college and/or the working world, your influence begins to diminish.  

So, yes, parents should help their teens. They should help them become independent. 

Another Resource

If you’d like more information on this topic or to read about how this parent handles these situations with her children, click on this link to read Amy Carney’s article.  Quit Doing These 8 Things for Your Teen This Year if You Want to Raise an Adult